I think we’ve officially reached that annoying time in the year where it’s sweater weather in the morning, but by midday, if you wear a sweater, you die from heatstroke.
last year i was eating in a fancy, large restaurant when i began to hear a rumble and the distant sound of people chanting ‘potassium, potassium’ and suddenly hundreds of people dressed as bananas flood this restaurant chanting potassium over and over and we were trapped there for a very long time because the bananas would not leave and they were everywhere
i wasn’t joking
*puts my ipod on shuffle and skips every song until i get one i was hoping for*
GUESS WHO HAS A INBOX FULL OF VALENTINE MESSAGES
giving your first blowjob like
What’s the tallest buildings in your city?
THE LIBRARY BECAUSE IT HAS THE MOST STORIES
I can’t believe I’m being punder arrest.
My roommate and his girlfriend got in the shower together and they’re… Talking about politics?
I was expecting to hear “OH GOD, HARDER,” not “George Washington was entirely correct in his prediction of what distinct parties would do to politics as a whole.”
Nope nevermind, there it is, apparently political debate is just their form of foreplay
STOP REBLOGGING THIS HE HAS A TUMBLR